“I’m crying because I’m crying….” is quite possibly my favorite little kid quote ever. I’ve heard a million of them.  It’s what has kept me in the childcare business so long…amazingly funny witty silly crazy things children say.  It just never gets old to me.

Speaking of old….here it goes…less than a week and my big day is here.  I feel like crying.  I have been crying.  I really don’t know why….it could be the disturbing dark dream I had last night, it could be the crazy  in-limbo life I lead, it could be the hormones surging through my quickly aging body {up yours you little f-ers…} or………………it could be…dun-dun-dunnnn….the birthday. I don’t know why it bothers me so much. But then again so did 20 and 30.  Stupid.  I know.  But honesty sometimes comes across that way.  It’s probably why people pretend and say they are fine with things. Don’t wanna look stupid now do ya?

 Fine. I despise the word. It should only be used to describe some hot dude like Rob Lowe…as in “Oh my gosh that Rob Lowe looks so fine!”

That just aged me right there, didn’t it?

Fine.  Everything is OK…. Don’t we dare allow ourselves to sound weak or lame or pathetic.  So, as dumb as I may sound pissing and moaning about the big four-oh at least I’m truthful. I just don’t like it.  It’s old to me.  Then again, at the times, so were 30 and 20…..I’d give my left pinky toe to be either of those ages right now!  But of course I’d want to keep all of this wisdom and fantastic life knowledge I’ve accumulated over the years.

Wait a minute.

Wisdom I have? Hmmmmm…..

Nah…I’d never give that up.  And my health…besides the “laugh” lines…I’m healthier and stronger than I have ever been in my whole life.  I have no business complaining.  I’m better than I was at 30.   Better than  I was even at 20.

Perspective. When I’m…gulpfifty I will look back at this as I do now about those other two decade milestones and roll my eyes at myself. Deep breath…here goes, right? Forty.

So, maybe I’m just crying now because I’m crying.  Just like the little girl who couldn’t explain what was going on in her head or in her heart.


2 responses »

  1. It was my little kid that said that. It is one of my favorites :). Keep writing my friend you are amazing at this.

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