I really should write a book. I know this because I have been told that I should write a book by many. In one 24 hour period, not too long ago, I was told this by three different people at three different times of the day. Here’s the problem…writing a book is an overwhelming undertaking. {overwhelming undertaking??}. I mean, geesh, where does one begin? Heck, I will admit it right here off the bat…I am kind of a ping-pong ball when it comes to subjects. I am all over the place. I’ve got so much going on up in my noggin it would be really hard to stay on task. I could easily fill pages with ramblings on from my brain. I could write long chapters about my experiences and opinions. But would anyone publish it? Would people buy it? Would Oprah promote it shamelessly? I’m not making excuses here, I am sure I could do it, no doubt. I mean, people tell me that I’ve got a story for everything. {Is this a good thing? hmmm…} And once….{long pause for drama}….a friend told me that I was the funnest person they have ever talked to. Wow……wow. Seriously, that is the best compliment one could ever receive in my {unwritten} book!
And so, I figured I would test the waters and start a blog. So here’s the deal…I, of all people, should not write a blog. Why? Because I am an observer. I am also a commenter. Things go in my head and fly out of my mouth. I am also a little crass. {Look it up at www.dictionary.com. My point will be made immediately} Alright, I’m not that bad…but my best friend recently asked me a question after I told her about a rather annoying conversation I had with someone else. She asked me, “Did you say that out loud????” No, no, no, I assured her. I really didn’t say what I told her out loud. I understand that it was way too harsh to actually SAY this comment to this un-named person….I explained that I just THOUGHT it. You know those thought bubbles they have in comics? The ones with the little dots leading to the cloud above the person’s head? Those represent what they are thinking to themselves. Now the clouds with the little swoop towards the persons mouth…those are for spoken words. So now, I just have to say “thought bubble” and she can relax. But, ummmmm…sometimes, when I am around other people, I accidentally use the swoosh…the “conversation bubble”. Whoops.
Honestly, I’ve got a little problem here. I am not sure I can trust my fingertips on a keyboard to edit what should or should not be “said”. If I struggle with controlling my mouth, I am sure my hands will be just as questionable. You see, what I will most likely be writing about are my observations. I will be using my life as my blog inspiration. Occasionally I will write about something touchy-feely. Probably never anything political. But, I am sure often very un-PC. I will comment. And I will offend. But I think I have a solution. Two actually. First, I promise to always change the names of my victims. {DANG fingers!} I mean my subjects. Always. The second half of my “lets not offend people” solution is this….stop reading right now. If you don’t like what you see here, simply stop looking.
There. Problem. Solved.
I am quite excited to have such a big format to write on. I love that Facebook thing. Love it. But I tend to be long winded…the comment boxes are too tiny. So are the “whats on your mind” boxes. I’m often forced to turn what is on my mind into one of those “notes”. It’s also been nice to be in touch with old friends and people on the other side of the world. Blaa..blaa…blaa….alright, alright…what I really LOVE is writing my thoughts and getting feedback. Positive feedback. Yes, I am going to admit it….I love-love-love having what I consider a little fan base. Come on, you’ve gotta know what I am talking about. When you write that status update that gets a bunch of comments you know you feel important. We all love being the one with the clever & funny comments that other Facebookers “like”. We all feel this way right? Don’t we? Hmmmmm…..{awkward silence, I even hear a cricket} No? Well I do. I have no shame, I am totally aware of this. {Admitting it is the first step, right?} I have a teeny-tiny bit of a narcissistic streak in me. But don’t we all? We do don’t we? I see it this way; we thrive on feedback. Who doesn’t want that reassurance that people don’t just agree with you, but are listening to you???? Heck, why say anything then? { I guess if you are a dictator then its ok though.} I for one will search for people to listen to what I have to say. If one shmuck doesn’t like it, then I just move on. {Way, way, way easier said than done.}
Alright…as I said before, I can be a bit crass. I am also snarky…sarcastic…annoyed…brutally honest…but, amazingly funny. I know, humor is just cover for deep dark feelings seeping out from some childhood issue. Whatever. I’m like this and I will try not to offend. Try. I will fail. So here’s your warning….I am not a big swearer or cusser, but occasionally I slip and it will somehow makes it through the editing process. I do have a couple of favorite words that in some households are “bad” words. Pissed & crap. So far this is the first time I have used them in my blog. {You should have heard me at the kid’s hockey practice though!!!} If you become offended in any way by my sometimes witty, other times mocking remarks, please, stop reading. Step away from the computer or that magical machine/phone you carry around that acts like a computer. {f.y.i. I am still amazed at the T.V. set and cannot understand just how the picture gets in there. Amazed.} You are in control. If you don’t like it, simply quit reading my blog and move on. Find one that better fits your style. Please don’t attack me in the comment section here. Because, if you do I will not continue to read it and will prove my point of the control I just gave you. We all like positive feedback {see paragraph above if you need a reminder.}
I am pretty fired up about having a place to rant and rave about the world around me. Thanks for reading this much. Most, alright, all of my material will come from my real life. Somethings just can’t be made up! And also, in case you were wondering, most of my thoughts for this blog entry originated in my brain while on the treadmill in my bedroom. Actually, I have a feeling my treadmill will be talked of often. We have a love/hate relationship.
JAB @ the World 